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How to Help a Friend

Ask directly about Suicude

If you believe that another individual is suicidal it is important to address it directly. If it is crossing your mind it may have crosses theirs. Explain your concerns and the mention the warning signs you've noticed. Be clear and direct when asking the question. For example: "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" or "I'm concerned about you. I'm wondering if you're thinking about suicide." You will not increase your friend's risk of suicide or cause them to become suicidal. If your friend is suicidal, being direct will show them that there are people who care. When someone is thinking of suicide, they typically welcome the chance to talk about the pain they're feeling. However, if the other individual does not respond well you may need to take other action, such as informing the VP for Student Services one of the Deans.


Be there

Know that it is natural to be somewhat uncomfortable and the conversation may be a bit awkward when approaching someone about thoughts of suicide. Your role is to be a good listener and not to counsel them. Being a good listener shows support, empathy, and compassion.  

Minimize all distractions.

Talk in a quiet, private place where you're unlikely to be interrupted.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions (questions that elicit a variety of answers) allow you to learn more about what your friend is going through. An example of an open-ended question is, "What's going on for you right now?" or "How does that make you feel?" Close-ended questions (questions that elicit "yes" or "no" answers) are appropriate when you need specific information. An example of a closed-ended questions is "Have you had thoughts of suicide?"

Don't Rush to Judgment

Do not argue about moral or spiritual issues regarding suicide. Remember suicide isn't the problem. It's the perceived solution for what seems to be an unsolvable problem(s).

Let them know that you're concerned because you care about them.

Say something like, "You are important to me; I'm concerned that you seem really sad."

Sometimes people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. Give the message that it's OK to ask for help.

  • Share an example of a time you or someone you know struggled and needed support.
  • Suggest that reaching out for support is the first step to feeling better. Mental health problems are treatable and manageable once identified. Sometimes we need a mental health check-up just as we do a physical exam.
  • Think about why he/she might be reluctant to reach out for help. Our backgrounds, cultures and experiences can have a huge impact on how we view help seeking. Some people may come from families or ethnic groups where asking for help or seeking a mental health professional is shunned or thought of as weak.

Non-Emergencies

  • Connect your friend to mental health resources. You are not alone! Connect your friend to a mental health professional. Let your student/friend know that help is available, help is effective, and that seeking help is the courageous thing to do. Offer to accompany them to their first appointment with a doctor or counselor or walk them to Student Health and Counseling to schedule an appointment.  
  • Do not allow yourself to be the only one who is helping. Recognize the limits of your expertise and responsibility. Get others involved who can help your friend and be supportive to them. This may mean sharing your concerns as needed with your friend's partner, family, other friends, academic advisor, supervisor, faculty/staff, etc.
  • Always follow up. Most people in distress feel like a burden to others and are unlikely to bring up the issue again. So, it is important to let your friend know that you are still thinking about them, let them know you care about them, and - most importantly - emphasize how important it is to seek help.

Emergencies

While it is rare, there are some situations where emergency help is necessary for your student or friend.

You should take immediate action and call 911 if you notice your student/friend:

  • has a weapon and is threatening to use it. If this is the case, make sure you leave the area immediately for your own safety.
  • is threatening immediate harm to him/herself (e.g., jumping out of a window, stepping in front of traffic)
  • has engaged in a behavior that requires medical attention (e.g., has taken pills)
Taken and Adapted with permission from the UT Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center Be That One Website