When someone mentions the word “bully”, images flash into your mind. The bully in the movie The Christmas Story with his raccoon hat and silver braces terrorizing Ralphie and his brother or the little girl in glasses standing in the school yard saying “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me”.
Everybody has either seen one, been one, or been a victim of a bully. So why are some people a bully and some are a victim? Teachers, psychologists, and parents have all asked that question. Stopbullying.gov has some information about factors that influence bullying. Children and teenagers who feel secure and supported by their family, school, and peers are less likely to bully.
There are several factors that may influence becoming a bully. Peer factors include the need to elevate their status in their peer group or to control the behavior of their peers. The family factors that may influence becoming a bully are simply coming from a family where there is bullying, aggression, or violence, or parents who are unable to give emotional support or who respond in authoritarian or reactive ways or when parents are overly lenient or not involved in their child’s life.
Some emotional factors may be having been bullied in the past or currently, having feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, so they bully to make themselves feel more powerful, or they do not understand other’s emotions. Some bully because they don’t know how to control their own emotions so they take their feeling out on other people or they simply do not have the skills for handling social situation in healthy, positive ways.
There isn’t a single specific “bully” gene but research indicates that genetic factors play a significant role. Studies using twin data indicate that genes contribute significantly to the likelihood of becoming a bully or a victim. Some studies point toward genes related to aggression. These genes have variations in the serotonin transporter gene which may linked to bullying behavior.
The above environmental factors such a family dynamics and peer relationships mixing up with a genetic predisposition may greatly influence bullying behavior.
Every youth involved in bullying—as a target, a bystander, or as one who does the bullying—can have long standing emotional difficulties. Youth who bully, as well as their targets, need support to address their behavior. School counselors, teachers and mental health professionals (trusted adults) can work with youth and help them develop healthy school and peer connections. Bullying is a behavior that can be changed.
Ralphie and his brother did not have to deal with the internet. Trusted adults need to be aware of the tremendous influence social media has for bullies to bully their victims. Children and teenagers need to know that is appropriate to reach out to a trusted adult if they know of any one being bullied or being a bully. It may save a life.
by Sally Robinson, MD Clinical Professor
Keeping Kids Healthy
Published February 2025